


serpent

by DesertLily



Series: Whumptober 2020 [31]
Category: The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Empty Shell, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Mental Instability, Mind Manipulation, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27314290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: Loki is lost inside her own mind as fragments of memories refuse to reform.
Relationships: Loki & Odin (The Bifrost Incident), Loki & Thor (The Bifrost Incident), Loki/Sigyn (The Bifrost Incident)
Series: Whumptober 2020 [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946296
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	serpent

**Author's Note:**

> For the 'empty shell' prompt for Whumptober

She no longer knew her own name for certain.  _ Loki _ was what her mind supplied but it didn't feel right. Not entirely. Nothing did anymore. Everything was  _ warped _ and  _ wrong _ and...gone. Just gone. Her memories. Her thoughts. Her feelings. Everything was...gone. It was as if everything that made her... _ her _ was locked behind a platinum gate with the key thrown away. No, not platinum.  _ Bismuth _ . Bismuth like the train; like Odin’s plans. Just thinking of the other woman sent a shiver down her spine. It filled her with a fear she couldn’t truly understand. It made her complacent. It made sure she didn’t rebel. She did nothing but obey. It was her purpose from now on. It almost made her think back to a story she had once heard about a wooden man that would obey any order without question. But he was open to the will of anyone. Loki was held exclusively under Odin’s will. She focused only on what the All-Mother told her to. 

The train. That was her main purpose. Building Odin’s train in secret; offering plans and suggestions to the All-Mother alone. After all, Odin was the only person she was ever deemed to talk to or spend any time with. She was as good as the woman’s pet. She was a living puppet and Odin held all of the strings. When the woman demanded information, she found herself giving in. It was easier that way. It always hurt if Loki tried to resist. Odin would do  _ anything _ to get the information she needed. Nobody else mattered. Least of all a glorified encyclopedia. After all, that was all Loki really was. A hoarder of knowledge too valuable to be discarded. She was something worth being  _ preserved _ . 

She found herself locked away most of the time; hidden like Odin’s shameful secret. Though, Odin always assured her it wasn’t like that. If people found out about Loki then they would hurt her! Really, all the All-Mother wanted was to keep her safe. As long as she stuck with Odin, she would be safe. Loki wouldn’t end up even more damaged if she fell into line; if she did as she was told. Even if she knew deep down that wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right. If Odin kept her safe then why did she fear the woman? Why did her touch make Loki flinch? What...What was she missing? Who was she supposed to be anymore?

Sometimes, she would catch a glimmer of a memory. They were mere moments that made little sense on their own but they were familiar. Some were simple things. Dancing. Laughter. Peace. Others were far less so. Anger. Violence. Death. She had once had so much passion and rage, but it was long gone. Only, Loki didn’t know where it had gone. But her mind always drifted to Odin’s insistence that she was just ‘protecting her’. But who was Odin really defending? Loki had memories of people fighting and dying. She  _ knew _ she had done something terrible, but she had believed in a cause! She had been part of something! But that something was now lost to her. All she had was the train. That was all she was allowed to have. It was too dangerous to give her more than that. If Loki was gifted any form of freedom then Odin’s hold would be shattered. Loki would lose focus on the train and that was  **_not_ ** allowed to happen. 

There was one figure that kept haunting her mind. A woman. A woman whose smile made Loki feel alive. A woman whose voice made her feel warm. A woman that made Loki realise something was very, very wrong. Her memories with her pure and unbroken. No matter what, when Loki did remember them, they were uncorrupt. They were full of love and not even Odin could change that. Only...Loki didn’t remember falling in love. She did not so much as remember the woman’s name. She just  _ knew _ that she should have. She  _ knew _ the woman was the cause of the ring she refused to remove. The memories of the woman were proof that Odin was wrong. There wasn’t just danger outside of the All-Mother’s grasp. There was freedom. There was love. There were things Loki no longer had the ability to understand. But she would never be allowed to leave. Instead, she was left merely missing and wanting a woman who she was certain that she would never meet again. It made her heart break in a way Loki had not thought possible. Emotions she was forbidden from feeling threatened to overwhelm her. 

The man that had invaded her carriage stared at her with a mixture of anger,horror, and pity.  _ Thor _ . Her mind gifted her the name but she couldn’t quite remember where she knew him from. Had...Had they been friends once? They must have been. He reached for her with a sense of hesitance; almost gentleness as he took in her state; her existence built on nothingness. She barely recognised him. But there was anger in his eyes. If it was towards her or what had been done to her, she did not know. But even the single moment he spent with her was more kind than any moment Odin had ever gifted her. Thor was not warm towards her but he did not stare at her as if she were nothing but a stepping stone. He looked at her as if she were a person. Then Odin came and Loki was once more left to her loneliness. But Thor had known her. He had shown an almost  _ protectiveness _ towards her. “ _ Loki deserved to die in her right mind _ .” Was...Was she not in her right mind? Had she been someone else? Before she could question things, her carriage was left empty and Loki was alone once more. 

Then she saw Sigyn again and the fragments of her mind began to pull together just that little bit more. Then everything began to make sense. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Loki finally began to feel like herself again. It was just a pity that it was too late. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr


End file.
